Chaplin vs. Keaton for President

Politics got you down? Forget about those nasty Democrats and Republicans. Two of the silent cinema's greatest artists have thrown their hats in the ring! America - watch out!

The Porkpie
VS.

The Derby

Meet the Candidates

Charlie Chaplin

Political Party 

The Silent Society

Platform

"I am for people. I can't help it."

Motto

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

On Immigration

Charlie likes immigrants. In fact, he was one once.

On the Economy

Charlie believes that manufacturing is the way out of the recession. Americans must roll up their sleeves, jump right in there and make things!

On Foreign Relations 

Charlie believes we are all citizens of his world!

But he has a special relationship with the French:

Running Mate and Cabinet

Charlie will surround himself with trusted friends and advisors

First Lady

Edna Purviance

Military Service

Served as an Army Private in WWI:

Other Jobs

Law Enforcement,Cook, Musician

Hobby

Horticulture

Potential Scandal

Has done jail time; has been known to dress in women's clothes

Why you should vote for me

Charlie Chaplin in his own words

"I remain just one thing, and only one thing, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician."

Buster Keaton:

Political Party 

The Deadpan Proletariat

Platform

 2x4, pine

Motto

 "Think slow and act fast."

On Immigration

Buster believes the desert needs water

On the Economy

Buster believes that repairing our infrastructure and strengthening our rail system will boost the economy

On Foreign Relations

Buster thinks it's good for Americans to learn about other cultures

Running Mate and Cabinet:

Buster tends to be a one-man band and does not delegate. Buster takes full responsibility!

First Lady

Brown Eyes

Military Service

Served as a  Confederate Soldier in the CSA and as a US Army Private in WWI (quite an accomplishment)

Other Jobs

Architect, Deep Sea Diver, Projectionist

Hobbies

Sailing and Horseback Riding

Potential Scandals

Has done jail time; has been associated with bomb-throwing anarchists

Why you should vote for me

Buster Keaton in his own words

"Silence is of the gods; only monkeys chatter."

Charlie or Buster? Let's stop all of that noisy chatter and get one of these men elected!

Cast your vote in the voting booth to the right and 2 flights up

(sorry. voting has closed).

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Norma Desmond's Handbook: How to Live Life as a Star

Poor Norma Desmond, so misunderstood. Sure, she was a bit loony. Who wouldn't be? When the thing you love most deserts you, it can have devastating consequences.

...that room of hers, all satin and ruffles. And that bed, like a gilded rowboat. The perfect setting for a silent movie queen. Poor devil - still waving proudly to a parade which had long since passed her by.

Norma Desmond was devoted to her art - the art of being a star. It's not her fault the movies spoke, the chimp died and the boy-toy fell for a younger woman. Norma kept her promise to live and breathe every waking moment as a star.


A star still shines, even if no one is looking.

There is much to be learned from Norma, so all of you who long to live life as a star - pay attention!

Here are Norma's top ten lessons in living life as a star (with a little help from her friends Max, Joe and CB).

Lesson #1: Enrapture Your Fans
Max Von Mayerling: She was the greatest of them all. You wouldn't know. You're too young. In one week she received 17,000 fan letters. Men bribed her hairdresser to get a lock of her hair. There was a maharajah who came all the way from India to beg one of her silk stockings. Later he strangled himself with it!


Lesson #2: Inspire Your Director's Devotion
Max Von Mayerling: Madame is the greatest star of them all.

Cecil B. DeMille: You didn't know Norma Desmond as a lovely little girl of seventeen, with more courage and wit and heart than ever came together in one youngster

Lesson #3: Enslave Your Ex-Husband

Max Von Mayerling: There were three young directors who showed promise in those days: D.W. Griffith, Cecil B. DeMille, and Max von Mayerling.

Joe Gillis: And she made you her servant. 
Max Von Mayerling: It was I who asked to come back. I could have continued my career, but I found it unbearable. You see, I was her first husband. 

Lesson #4: Be an Unashamed Cougar

Set up the hunky younger man in the bedroom next door. Add extra points if you can do this in front of the ex-husband.

Lesson # 5: Be Fashion Forward

Mere mortals should imitate you, not vice versa.

Lesson #6: Live Like a Star

Decorate like a star,

have big pets
and always hang with other star-friends.

Lesson #7: Be Confident

Joe Gillis: They'll love it in Pomona.

Norma Desmond: They'll love it everywhere. 

Norma Desmond: Without me there wouldn't be any Paramount Studio.

Joe Gillis: You're Norma Desmond. You used to be in silent pictures. You used to be big.

Norma Desmond: I am big. It's the pictures that got small.

Lesson #8: Smoke and Make Sure You Have a Cool Cigarette Holder

Lesson # 9: A Star's Emotions Are Bigger Than Life

Sultry

Sad

Suicidal

Sullen

Suffering

Lesson #10: Never, Never, Ever Forget Your Fans
Norma Desmond: Then why do they still write me fan letters every day? Why do they beg me for my photographs? Why? Because they want to see me, ME, Norma Desmond


Joe Gillis: I didn't know you were planning a comeback.
Norma Desmond: I hate that word. It's return - a return to the millions of people who have never forgiven me for deserting the screen.


Norma Desmond:
No one ever leaves a star. That's what makes one a star.
Stars are ageless, aren't they?


Norma Desmond:
I just want to tell you all how happy I am to be back in the studio making a picture again! You don't know how much I've missed all of you. And I promise you, I'll never desert you again because after Salome we'll make another picture, and another picture! You see, this is my life. It always will be! There's nothing else - just us - and the cameras - and those wonderful people out there in the dark. All right, Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close-up.

And always answer your fan mail!

Appendix

Norma's best student:

Joan Crawford

My Personal Favorite Quote from SSB: 
Max Von Mayerling: If you need any help with the coffin, call me.


Credits
Special thanks to the fabulous face of Gloria Swanson

And, of course, credit to Billy Wilder. Yes, I know it's only a movie, but it seems so real.

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Marilyn Miller - Look for the Silver (Screen) Lining

Back in the 1920s it was inconceivable that Marilyn Miller would someday be largely forgotten. I came upon her quite by accident, seeing her name in books about early Hollywood musicals. I had no idea who this great Broadway star was or why she was so famous. After some furious research I got up to speed, read all I could lay my hands on about her and poured over tons of photos. She was a huge star! Why had I never heard of her? And - more important - how could I see her? Photos are one thing, but  I hungered to see her perform.

Marilyn Miller was of the theater. She was a Ziegfeld star in the most rarefied galaxy. Her greatest triumph was in the Jerome Kern musical "Sally," a show that featured her signature song, "Look for the Silver Lining." Before her fame, the name Marilyn was barely found in the U.S. Census records. After America fell in love with her, it was the 16th most popular name in the country. She was known for her talent, her younger than springtime beauty, charm and devotion to her craft. She was also a fashion plate  who was equally famous  for her many love affairs, salty vocabulary and fondness for alcohol. She worked hard and played hard. She was an authentic diva.

Marilyn had a brief brush with silent films and Hollywood in the 1920s when, in 1922, she married Jack Pickford, thus becoming Mary Pickford's sister-in-law (by all accounts, Mary and Marilyn did not hit it off too well). After a star-studded wedding at Pickfair where a great photo of Mary air-kissing Marilyn was taken, the marriage turned toxic . Marilyn, by way of a Paris divorce, beat it back to Broadway.

Once movies were all talking, all singing, all dancing, Marilyn seemed a good bet for Hollywood stardom. Her two great stage successes, "Sally" and "Sunny" were filmed for Warner Brothers and were popular, but after a third film fared poorly, Marilyn and Hollywood parted company for good. The rest of her story is mostly a sad one. After one last Broadway triumph, she died of a sinus infection at the age of 37. The magnitude of her fame and the beauty of her performances faded from memory.

But wait. The footnote that Hollywood was to her fabulous career preserved those two great stage successes. The late twenties and early thirties movie musicals drew scores of Broadway performers to Hollywood. Most tried their luck and headed back east after one or two attempts. The stage and the screen have very little in common when it comes to star power. Al Jolson and Eddie Cantor, who found success in films, were the exceptions. Big stage stars like Fannie Brice, Gertrude Lawrence, Helen Morgan, The Duncan Sisters, Charles King, Harry Richman and Marilyn Miller came and went. In a twist of irony, the medium scorned by the stage served to preserve the work of these artists for future generations.


And so we have Marilyn Miller in "Sally." Originally filmed in early Technicolor, "Sally" only survives in a black and white version. The make up used for Technicolor looks harsh and overdone when seen black and white, making Marilyn look a little bit like a hard-hearted kewpie doll. Her singing voice is a little thin and she is not beautiful in the conventional Hollywood way. But boy oh boy can she dance. And, miracles of miracles, a snippet of "Sally" in its original Technicolor was found. It is the "Wild Rose" number and, in it, she is youthful, adorable and flirtatious. Her joy in performing is evident in every kick and twirl and here, preserved forever, is Marilyn Miller in all her glory. We catch a glimpse of her magic and she is no longer a mystery, just a name or photo in a book.We understand what made her a Broadway legend. Thank you Hollywood! (click "read more" to watch movie clip)

In a case of the fates serving up justice, Marilyn Miller continues to be ever-present on Broadway. In the late 1920s the I. Miller Shoes (no relation) building was adored with statues of four great stars: Ethel Barrymore as Ophelia, representing drama, Rosa Ponselle as Norma, representing music, Mary Pickford as Little Lord Fauntleroy, representing film, and Marilyn Miller as Sunny, representing dance (I wonder how Mary feels being frozen in time next to her despised ex-sister in law?). The building, located at Broadway and West 46th Street in Manhattan, now houses a TGI Fridays on street level. But if you stand on the corner and look up, there is Marilyn, surveying her empire. Still.                                                                                      

There are some nice videos of Marilyn on You-Tube, especially a neat tap dance from "Sunny" and the "Look for the Silver Lining" duet with Joe E. Brown and the Butterfly Ballet from "Sally."

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James Cagney: I Know I Shouldn't Love You, But......

Tough or Tender?

.

Sigh... I know I shouldn't love you, Jimmy, but I do. You won't be good to me, you won't do right by me, you might even be mean to me, but, gee, I sure think you're swell.

There are others more handsome, but hands down James Cagney wins the charisma contest. He is, at every stage of his career, irresistible. He's not romantic, although you hope he will be. No, it's that little boy/charming psycho cocktail mixed with a generous sprig of good humor and dangerous grace that has me hooked. And he knows it. For those of us who ever lusted after the bad boys, he is the alpha treasure, the chairman of the board.

He can be sweet and often is. Think the Cagney of "City for Conquest" and "The Strawberry Blonde." Doesn't your heart just melt over his devotion to Ann Sheridan and (eventually) Olivia De Havilland? He almost seems as though he could be domesticated. Almost. He is Jimmy as we want him to be. He cooperates for a film or two, but it's not who he really is. He will not be tamed.

It's fun to watch him dance in "Yankee Doodle Dandy" and "Footlight Parade," but it's even more fun to watch him dance in "Angels with Dirty Faces" and "The Roaring Twenties." While not musical films, his performances are totally musical. His body moves to an efficient tempo like a tommy gun at target practice. His voice, hands and eyes are stylized accessories that accompany a body in full command of itself. Watch him lean into an adversary, his form at a perfect 90 degree angle.He hovers a bit, just to make sure there is the proper amount of menace, and then spins on his heels with a flourish. Later in life the body got a little stockier, but he never lost the musicality. His tortured passion for Doris Day in "Love Me or Leave Me" is  a symphony;  his Cody Jarrett of "White Heat" grand opera.

Cagney was a complicated soul who just wanted to be a simple guy. He really hated having those moments of insight and used his fists, his wits and various illegal means to operate in his world. His downfall often came because, for some reason only he, and not the rest of his thug associates, had a code of ethics. He was honorable. And that's what makes all of those bad-boy characters so endearing.Cagney is redeemable (as well as masculine, cute, sexy and funny). He portrayed himself as a tough guy from the slums, but the elegant dancer is always in view. Together, they combine to make beautiful motion picture music.

Some super Cagney films (so many to chose from) are: Taxi, Picture Snatcher, Hard to Handle, G-Men, and the aforementioned Angels With Dirty Faces, The Roaring Twenties, Footlight Parade, Yankee Doodle Dandy and Love Me or Leave Me. And - of course - anything that he ever appeared in. He is not known as a great lover, but paired with the right gal (Ann Sheridan in City for Conquest or Torrid Zone), he stops your heart.

Cagney and Sheridan: Perfect Together

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Silent Films: It's Personal

Watching a silent film is an intensely personal experience. No matter how many people are with you in the theater (if you are lucky enough to see one in a theater), you are truly alone in the dark. You are alone with your thoughts, your dreams, the (imagined) sound of a voice, the throb of your heart. The right music casts an even larger spell and you are carried away on an internal magic carpet ride. Norma Desmond was only half right when she said they had the eyes of the whole wide world. The marriage of film and silence created a portal to a pure and primitive place in the viewer's consciousness.

The unspoken longing, the secret desire, the private passion, these belong to the owner in their most perfect form. Once spoken and shared they cannot be altered. The internal has found a voice and the spell is broken.The silent film enlists the viewer in a very intimate partnership. Each viewer's interpretation of the images on the screen is slightly different, colored by each individual's inner landscape.The personal ideal of love, beauty, humor and heartbreak is added.  One gives life to the other.  No one's experience can be exactly the same.If sound films are prose (beautiful, passionate, exquisite, hilarious prose), then silents are poetry.

The language of silent film is not our native tongue anymore. If you ended up living in a country where the language was not the one you grew up learning and speaking, most likely, no matter how expert you become, it will always feel slightly foreign. You might even think first in your native language and speak in your adopted one. And so, watching a silent film today requires a bit of adjustment. As viewers, we are not used to being asked to fill in the blanks. Silents requires you to strip yourself of all self-consciousness and delve into your inner realm. 

I invite you to spend 10 minutes or so with Greta Garbo and John Gilbert in "Flesh and the Devil." Click on the gray right-pointing arrow and turn up your speakers to listen to the gorgeous music of Carl Davis. There are no words......

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